Can you divorce your inlaws?

After dropping everything last week and dashing off 'up north' last week to see his dying grandmother my husband and I have just been told our children are not welcome at the funeral because the only living daughter, (his aunt), wants it to be perfect and our children of 1 and 3 might cry or make a noise.
WTF?!?
It's a funeral you telling me that the whole church is going to be dead quite, no crying or wailing from those who have lost their friend/family.
We are welcome in fact before consulting us even we were booked spaces in the car. Then we were told grandchildren only no great grandchildren. We have the youngest children in the family. All other great grandchildren are teen or older and are all very welcome at the church and able to make their own way so the car thing was no big deal.
Then we were chastised for suggesting we might not be there. We have no one to look after the boys. It's a 6 hour drive, the funeral is at 11.30 am meaning we have to go the day before or get up ridiculously early and travel back same day. But you have to come Nan wanted it and Aunt . wants to give you your inheritence.
My husband has stuck to his guns and said you welcome us all or none.
Long and short. . . we're not going.
I believe we may have just been cut off from the family but I am so angry right now I don't care. It's his family anyway not mine. Mine would never be so insensitive to our needs thankfully!
Ok rant over. Sorry lovely readers but I had to let off some steam somewhere and here is the best place I can think of.
I shall try and be a little chirpier next time. Xx